Note to my Neighbors (warning, swearing ahead!)

Fellow Residents of Woodland Streams:
Hello. My name is Julie and I live on Marsh Circle. I have lived here almost two years and I want to say to all of you, that it is because of you, I am desperately wanting out of this neighborhood. Good riddance, you say, right? Not so fast. First you will listen to what I have to say.

To start, I am not moving anytime soon. The equity in our brand new homes is minor at best and I accredit some of that to the way you chose to live. If there are 2 adults (drivers) in your home, why must you have 5 vehicles? Do you pay insurance on all of them? Do you NEED all of them? If you want to build a junkyard, you should talk to the Homeowners' Association first, as I think they might reject the idea. While on the subject of motor vehicles, there is no need to park your riding lawnmower in your driveway. Heck, our yards aren't even large enough for riders but I understand for you obese people, even a little excercise causes too much stress on the heart, so you're excused, but please park the mower in the garage, where it belongs.

Onto trash! The fact that your garbage smells so bad in the winter that you cannot keep your cans in your garage, means your eating habits are disgusting. I admit mine smells of cat litter, but I keep it in the garage, so that in a windstorm (which happens daily here in Goshen!) my trash isn't all over your yard. I would appreciate the same courtesy. I know some of you use your garage as a smoking hut in the winter and don't want to smell your own trash, so grow a fucking brain and find somewhere to put your stinky shit, ok? I'm sick of picking it up out of my front yard and I might even start decorating YOUR HOUSE with your garbage, so fair warning.

Onto personal space! You have it, I have it, we all love it, am I right? My yard is my yard. I don't like to look up while cooking dinner to see your hoodlum children running through my backyard in a game of tag or better yet, using my front porch as fucking base for their shouting match. You know who you are. I am not against kids...I have two of my own, but I can guarantee you have never seen them in your yard, because I watch them and they have MANNERS. They are told daily to play in their own yard or in the yards of those kids they are playing with. Common sense, eh? Your kids are about as bad as your dogs. Your dogs come and shit in my yard and pretty much in every yard they get around to since you open the door and let them roam the neighborhood. Funny thing is, they chose yards of people who don't even have dogs. I bet I know why...ever heard of a "pooper scooper"? You all seem to be fucking retards who are lazy and don't give a shit what your kids and animals are doing as long as you don't have to do anything yourself. I would love to offer you all permanent birth control to stop the "stupid" population and sic animal rescue on your asses to get your animals to homes where they are loved and have boundaries. Better yet, I'd love it if you all just moved down the street to the trailer parks where you belong and leave the neighborhood to the people who give a shit! OK?

Sincerely,
Julie